Halo: Know Your Stars
by Assault Godzilla
Summary: Halo like you've never seen before.
1. Master Chief

Now, here's a "Know your Stars" fic I came up with. I hope it's okay like my other fics. Here it is. First up: MC. WOOT WOOT!

Note: Halo belongs to Bungie, not me.

* * *

_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..._

The Master Chief goes on stage, and the crowd goes wild.

Announcer: Master Chief... is really a litte green man!

Master Chief: Uh, no. I am NOT. Just because my armour is green and I am born on another planet, it doesn't mean I'm an alien.

Announcer: Yes it does.

Master Chief: No it doesn't.

Announcer: Yes it does.

Master Chief: No it doesn't.

Announcer: Yes it does.

Master Chief: No it doesn't.

Master Chief: No it doesn't.

Announcer: Yes it does.

Master Chief: No it doesn't.

Announcer: No it doesn't.

Master Chief: Yes it does. SON OF A BI-

Announcer: Master Chief... is actually a robot!

Master Chief: OKAY! NOW YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF! _(gets a rocket launcher and an SMG)_

Announcer: Calm down man!

Cortana: Oh, he _will_ be.

Master Chief: _(fires weapons maniacally)_

Announcer: (_now very, very scared_) Master Chief... is not called The Demon by the Covenant. He is called: THE ROBO DOODOO FREAK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Entire Covenant: (laughing like jackasses)

Master Chief: _(still firing weapons maniacally)_

Announcer: As soon as this place is repaired, we'll be doing Johnson next!

Johnson: YAY ME!

Announcer: Piece of-

Master Chief: WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT ME?

Announcer: Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh, nothing...

Master Chief: Hasta la vista. Baby. (fires Scarab Gun)

Announcer: MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY! (dies)

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Well, that wasn't too bad. Was it? Reviews please! 


	2. Johnson

Okay, guess who's next: JOHNSONNNNN! Well, that was really awkward.

Johnson: Your telling me.

Stewie: SILENCE!

Johnson: Hey, your from Family Guy!

You have a problem, sir?

Johnson: Yeah. One, your a baby, so how can you talk? And 2, THIS IS A HALO FANFIC GODAMMIT! YOU"RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE HERE.

Stewie: I can't tell you otherwise, but for one thing, someone else is. Oops.

Johnson: WhAt!

ON WITH THE CHAPTER!

* * *

_Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars..._

Johnson sits on the chair with a confused look on his face.

Announcer: Sergeant Major Avery J. Johnson... is a pimp!

Johnson: Yeah I know! I know what the ladies like.

Announcer: Ewwwwwwww... anyway, Johnson... is the leader of a Flip Music band!

Johnson: I was. But somehow, the band broke up when I came back form vacation.

Announcer: Is any of this a coincidence? Well, Johnson... is... RELATED TO OLLIE WILLIAMS!

Johnson: Who the hell is that?

Ollie: I'M OLLIE FOOL!

Johnson: OH MY GOD! YOUR THAT WEATHER GUY ON CHANNEL 5 ON FAMILY GUY!

Ollie: YEAH MAN!

Announcer: I knew they were borthers.

Johnson and Ollie: WE AIN'T BROTHERS FOOL!

Johnson: Well, We are borthers in our way.

Ollie: THAT'S RIGHT BOY!

Johnson: I AIN'T NO BOY FOOL!

Ollie: FOOL!

Johnson: FOOL!

Ollie: FOOL!

Johnson: FOOL!

Ollie: FOOL!

Johnson: FOOL!

Ollie: I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE, BUT WHAT AM I?

Johnson: A SISY BOY!

Ollie: AM NOT!

Johnson: ARE TOO!

Ollie: AM NOT!

Johnson: ARE TOO!

Ollie: AM NOT!

Johnson: ARE TOO!

Ollie: AM NOT!

Johnson: ARE TOO!

Johnson: ARE NOT!

Ollie: AM TOO! Oh Godammit.

Every universe in existence: (gasps)

Johnson: YOU TALKED NORMALLY!

Anouncer: JOHNSON... his name isn't actually Avery. It's Borris.

Johnson (now REALLY pissed off): JUST BECAUSE I HAD BOREN"S SYNDORME DOES NOT IT MEANS I HAVE A NAME THAT IS BORRIS!

Ollie: YEAH!

Johnson: Stay out of this.

Ollie: You want this dog?

Johnson: No Ollie.

Ollie: Did you order a pizza?

Johnson: No Ollie. I wish.

Announcer: Johnson... is a... DADDY!

Johnson: THAT IS IT FOOL! ( gets a Beam Rifle)

Ollie: YEAH! (hets a chainsaw)

Anouncer: And now you know... Johnson.

Ollie and Johnson: NO THEY DON'T FOOL!

They barge into the audio room and get ready to kill the guy.

Anouncer: Not again...

Johnson: What should he get, Ollie?

Ollie: HE GONNA GET IT!

Johnson: How's he gonna get it?

Ollie: HE GONNA GET IT GOOD!

Johnson: How good, brother?

Ollie: REAL GOOD, brother.

* * *

Well, that's done. Who's next? MIRANDA KEYES, that's who!


	3. Miranda Keyes

**Well, well, well, who do we have here today? It's Commander Miranda Keyes! Let's get the show on the road!**

**Miranda: And get RoadRunner while we're at it.**

**Assault Godzilla: HEY! He'll NEVER get caught.**

**Miranda: In one episode of Family Guy, Peter ranned him over.**

**Assault Godzilla: MOVING ON!**

**Note: All charcters used belong to Bungie.**

* * *

_Know your stars, k__now your stars, know your stars..._

Miranda comes in through the back and sits on the chair with a confused look on her face.

Announcer: Miranda Keyes... is a Playboy bunny!

Miranda: AM NOT! I am the commander of the UNSC friagte In Amber Clad!

Announer: Well, how do you explain this?(SHows picture of a hot chick with what seems to be a picture of her face pasted on the original's face)

Miranda: That's not me dumbass.

Announcer: Anyway, Miranda Keyes... is a mother.

Miranda: WHAT THE HELL!?!?!? Alright then whoeveryouare, then ask me who are my kids.

Announcer: Who are they?

Miranda: I HAVE NONE IDIOT!

Announcer: What'd you do, give them away?

Miranda: I said it once, I'll say it agian. I. DO. NOOOOTTTTTTTT. HAVE. ANY. KIDS.

Announcer: Really? Somebody told me you looked like Kairi.

Miranda: You mean that redhead girl from the Kingdom Hearts video game series?

Announcer: Uh, yeah.

Miranda: I never thought of that. We do have a bit of a resemblance.

(Immediately jumping on stage)Kairi: But WE are not related.

Miranda: How'd you get here?

Kairi: I just did. And, is anyone trying to make a mockery out of me?

Miranda: Yeah, that guy. (referring to the announcer who's way up in the audio room)

Announcer: Before anyone does anything like kill me _AGAIN_ ahem ahem, I just want to say that Miranda Keyes... is... married to-

Miranda: Hold up! Don't even think about saying it's Johnson 'cause it's not. No offense.

Johnson (backstage): None taken.

Announcer: Do you have a crush?

Miranda: Yeah... on the Master Chief.

Announcer: Wow.

Kairi: Wow.

Audience: Wow.

Cairo Station: Wow.

Eric Cartman: Nice.

Miranda: It's not that big a deal.

Announcer: He wears a suit all the time. How would you know what he looks like under that helmet other than hot and sweaty.

Miranda: Cortana knows.

Announcer: She's an AI.

Cortana: What difference does it make?

Random fangirl: YOU GET TO SEE JOHN'S CUTE FACE ALL THE TIME WHILE WE JUST SEE A DUMB VISOR FOR GOD'S SAKE!!!

Cortana: Screw you bitch.

Announcer: I was actually gonna say... TARTARUS!

Miranda: What. The. Fuck.

Kairi: Oh. My. God.

Tartarus(in shock): What. The. Hell.

Miranda: Why that white Chewbacca?

Tartarus: I AM NOT CHEWBACCA WOMAN!

Announcer: You remember he said to you a t the end of Halo 2.

_Flashback_

Delta Halo Control Room

Tartarus: Now, take the Icon in your hands, and do as you are told!

343 Guilty Spark: Please use caution! This Reclaimer is delicate.

Tartarus: One more word Oracle, and I rip your eye from its socket. Which is nothing compared to what I'll do to you.

_End flashback_

Announcer: Now, that's another reason to hate the brutes.

Miranda: Yup.

Kairi: Yup.

Master Chief: Yup.

Sora: Yup.

Grunt: Yup.

Miranda: What were you saying?

Announcer: Well I

Miranda: KEEP YOUR GODDAMN TRAP HOLE SHUT! (brings up 2 SMG's)

Kairi: Let me guess. Those are 2 Sub-machine guns youe holding.

Miranda; How'd you know?

Kairi: I played Halo 2: Multiplayer MapPack lots of times with my friends. I'm pretty familiar with the weaponry.

Sora: I usually win though. I don't use mods!

Kairi; Hey, it was new to me at the time. Come to think of it, I'm sick of bring mocked by the Know oyur Stars Guy all the time. (draws keyblade Riku gave her in KH2) It's payback time.

Miranda: Now your talking girl.

Announcer: Well that's it for toady folks. Next time, we interviewe the Arbiter.

Miranda and Kairi: IF THERE WILL BE A NEXT TIME!!!!

Announcer: Oh crap. 3. 2. 1.

Miranda and Kairi: DIE YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!!

Sora: This is even better to watch then Riku getting his ass kicked on Xbox live.

Riku: It's not my fault everyone cheats!

Sora: Right. Taht's all folks!

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Any comments? Reviews? Please give some and more will be on the way. 


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